if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
