All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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