Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm gonna fight the coyote
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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