i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
do nipples grow back?
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