I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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