Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
