when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize