Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You ate ashes out of my bong
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
