Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
