Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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