So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
