Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
