Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I want to have your abortion
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
