hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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