I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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