Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Randomize
