you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
