His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I supernannyed him into submission
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
