speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
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