So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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