my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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