Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
