dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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