I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Oh god it's open bar.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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