Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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