Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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