I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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