I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
