We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
