you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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