the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
