This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize