I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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