I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize