Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
