3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
