Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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