Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Girls should come with a carfax report
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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