I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
