I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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