I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
