he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
