Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
