This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
