I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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