I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
