Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize