I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
