Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
