You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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