He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
