I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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