dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
