you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
