ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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