I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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