Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
