my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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