exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
