Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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