Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
