he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
