i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
