I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize