Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
