she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
you had me at cake vodka
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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