Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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