dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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