He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
