i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
