Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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