Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
