I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
