so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
